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no port on sunday, damnit

I was at the grocery store buying the usual items and remembered how much I enjoyed a newly discovered snack I found in Spain: black olives. I promptly directed my cart towards the proper aisle and picked up a jar of black olives. Brief contents of my cart: OJ, paper towels, cream cheese, bagels, and black olives imported from Greece. Well, I thought it was kind of funny. I get home, pop a few olives, and realize the snack is missing one thing: alcohol. Port, specifically. Aware that Texas forbids the sale of alcohol before noon, I checked my watch and saw a glorious 1:30 looking back at me. I headed off to a farther grocery store with a better selection of wine.

I approach the port section and stare in horror at signs posted all over the place that claim “Port, Sherry, and other desert wines over 17% alcohol NOT for sale on Sunday according to Texas law.” Bastards. What kind of stupidity is that? A remnant of prohibition? Is Sunday special for some reason? Is it somehow safer that I wait till tomorrow or any other day of the week? I’m fine with waiting till noon to buy alcohol, that’s not so bad. But being barred from buying port on Sunday is ridiculous. It’s enough to make one want to move out of Texas. I will now embark on a through investigation of this ludicrous law.

As a consolation, I treated myself to a 4-pack of Wexford Irish Cream Ale.

Comments (7)

Michael:

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This is Texas, we're lucky Shamu isn't in the state constitution...

p-man:

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yeah, i took an Environmental Policy class in college and learned how much of a hand corporations have in politics. I guess i just didn't think to expand their involvement to alcohol laws. That beer donor info is interesting. The amount of soft $$ has risen steadily and so have their donationas to republicans.

skorloff:

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News flash - the texas legislature is funded by large corporations. OT but related - one of Tom Delay's top contributors is the National Beer Wholesalers Assn. The beverage industry has an interesting contribution profile.

p-man:

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That is glorious. I can't believe the hogwash present in our legal system. I imagine there are other equally impressive exemptions...

URL: http://www.whiterose.org/michael/blog/
The three tier system is exciting and has the most amazing exemptions: Sec. 31.05. USE OF PERMIT IN MARINE PARK. (a) In this section, "marine park" means an enclosed, restricted access area of not less than 245 acres nor more than 255 acres in a county with a population of over 950,000, which area constitutes a facility operated for the education or entertainment of the public in-volving the display of live fish, marine animals, and related aquatic, food service, and amusement activities and which holds appropriate permits issued by state and federal regulatory agencies authorizing the keeping of live fish, marine animals, or endangered species. That's the start of the Seaworld provision, made so that Anheuser-Busch could own Seaworld and sell beer there. (It would be a violation of the tier system if not for the Shamu exemption...)

p-man:

yes, i would be highly interested to hear about the 3-tier system. these laws make no sense. you in SA? i should probably just pick up the phone.

Skorloff:

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Skip the canned/jarred olives and buy the fresh ones - pick them up by the pound at Central Market or Whole Foods. Also - the port blue law dates from the end of prohibition and it's a tiny part of the byzantine alcohol codes in this state. Port is wine to which brandy has been added to arrest fermentation - only liquor stores can sell brandy, but port isn't really brandy, it's wine. liquor retailers lobbied for many of the helpful restrictions we have and the sunday port ban helps keep you from spending money at a non-liquor store. If you have a few free hours I can detail the entire three-tier distribution system, package approval laws and why, in Texas, Porter means the same thing as Stout.

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