if this post looks familiar, that's because it is. translation courtesy of gizoogle.
boilerplate disclaimer: i don't actually talk like this, i don't condone the use of some of the terms used, and no one calls me the black folks' president.

Wizzle out Tuesday night ta celebrate mah friend's last week in Dallas. He's going ta gangsta law fizzy fo` tha riznest of tha summa back in his home ghetto of Baird, Texas (izzy Bizzy n' shit). His olda pusha came along n she basically knows everyone. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. We started out at a sushi restaurant n she knew tha bartenda. I had three (or four?) long island ice teas. I was feel'n quite happy. The sushi was bootylicious as was tha people-watch'n cuz I'm fresh out the pen. Playa tizzy we wizzy ta anotha chi-chi bar that specialized in tequila. Before I can say "in over mah heezee" mah friend's killa sista is rapping ta a homey in a blaza who turns out ta be one of tha owna. They call me tha black folks president. They're friends n' shit. So I git anotha long island, this one on tha house. I'm crazy, you can't phase me. Tizzle we see Don Nelson, forma Mavericks coach. Tru niggaz do niggaz. He's totally sloshed. Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. The next hit is some bar I ciznan't rememba by now. I tried ta drizzink a 7 n 7 but it wasn't happen'n, so killa became tha beverage of choice ta help you tap dat ass. Then we run into Tim Cowlishaw, who mah nigga claims is a brotha fo` tha Dallas Steppin' News n sometimizzles on ESPN mah nizzle. My nigga ogles Tim. I ogle tha flashy-look'n bitchez walk'n around thats off tha hook yo.

Wizzle out again last night but kizzle mackin' in check spittin' that real shit. Two baller no celebrizzle jiznust a safe Jewish stoked hizzle ridin' in mah double R. I was home by 11.

The firm is throw'n a stoked hour tonight n ANOTHER tomorrow night. So thizzat will makes it four nights in a row of going out. Motherfucka this run I may have ta go on a dry spizzell ta makes sure mah killa n I is S-T-to-tha-izzill on good terms.

And now it's 8:00 am n I gots`ta run ta wizzy.