I have a weird teacher this semester. Well, I actually have two weird teachers, but let’s just focus on one for now. One of these teachers assigned us a text book and a statute book. Both of these books are rather large and heavy and annoying to lug around the building.

One day, I was just too lazy to bring my statute book to class. I was hoping he wouldn’t call on me for anything, or that if he did, that I could answer the question without my statute book.

He called on me, and I needed the statute book to answer his question. Great.

Particleman: Um, I don’t have my statute book today.
Teacher: What! You came to class without your clothes on?
P: [pause] Huh?
T: Jeez, I’m turning red over here!
P: thinks: are we really having this conversation?

The water that comes out of my bathroom faucet smells funny. Is water supposed to smell funny?

I am slowly growing more ethical. But not yet so ethical that I could practice in Texas, which actually has the highest required minimum score* in the nation. Texas is one of several states that requires a score of 85% while many other states are satisfied with 75-80%. So when you hear people complain that lawyers are sleazebags, you can proudly state that in Texas, lawyers are 5% less sleazy than in most other states.

*I should clarify that the only state with a score higher than 85% is Utah, which for some reason requires 86%. But they just did that because they wanted to be different. Which, of course, they are. Dooce can tell you all about that.

At dinner last night with my dad, who has a habit of firing off question after question:

Dad: Hey, I have a law school question for you.
Particleman: Ok.
D: What if you sign a will on the last page of the will -
P: You can sign it on any page, it doesn’t matter -
D: No, that’s not my question. What if you sign it on only the last page. What’s preventing me or someone else from swapping one of the earlier pages out for a new one that’s different?
P: Uhhhhh. Ask a lawyer. I haven’t started studying for that class yet. Ask me again in three weeks.

How to celebrate Thanksgiving in 10 steps, Particleman-style:

1. Get together with a small group of friends and order food from Boston Market.
2. Rent a few movies.
3. Stock the apartment with a wide array of wines and beers.
4. Start drinking at 3 pm.
5. Start eating at 4 pm.
6. Keep drinking.
7. Keep drinking.
8. Keep drinking.
9. Keep drinking.
10. Throw up in the bushes and pass out at 10:30.

Context: conversation with a friend about studying habits. I intend to say that it’s hard for me to get started studying for finals, but once I get started, I’m ok.

Particleman: You see, I have a problem –
Friend: “A” problem?? “A” problem”?! Honey, if only we all had “a” problem. I have more than I can count.
P: Good point. I probably have more than one problem.

Saw The Departed this weekend. Go see it. If you can, imagine Alec Baldwin, in a Boston accent, saying the following at a million miles an hour, and you should probably end up laughing:

I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself.

This is where I’m going after I finish taking the bar next summer, or during the week preceding the release of the scores. Or both. I forbid anyone else from going there during that time. If I find you there, I’m chasing you down with my guitar and you’re gonna have to swim to the next island.

I picked up my friend’s diploma from school last week and she hasn’t come to get it yet. I think I'll cross her name out and write mine in.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not the Verizon Guy. If I were, I’d hate myself, because I’d be fucking annoying.

I am also not Rivers Cuomo, singer for Weezer. If I were, I’d transport myself back to 1994 (or 1996) and remind myself how to write songs that don’t suck.

I am also not Ben Folds. But if I were, I’d marry a model, because I can rock the piano like none other, and everyone knows models marry goofy looking guys with ridiculous musical talent.

No, I am none of the above. This is who I really am.

I COMMAND ALL OF YOU TO SEND ANY VIBES, FEELINGS, AND GENERAL THOUGHTS OF STUDYING AND OTHER SCHOLARLY ACTIVITY MY WAY, BECAUSE I AM ALL OUT OF MOTIVATION TO STUDY FOR FINALS. DO NOT SEND ANY SUCH FEELINGS TO ANYONE ELSE. CONCENTRATE THEM ON ME. THIS MUST BE DONE TO MAINTAIN EQUILIBRIUM IN THE UNIVERSE. DO YOU WANT TO DISRUPT OUR EQUILIBRIUM? I DIDN’T THINK SO. WHOAAA CAPS LOCK.

YOU ARE THUS COMMANDED.

I’m at the point where I’m chaining myself to my desk for hours at a time. The studying vibes worked. Whatever you sent my way did the trick. That, or I realized that two weeks of goofing off has really bitten me in the ass and I have a lot to learn. Four months of slacking (including seven days of skipping class) can really add up.

I did take my bass in to the guitar shop today for some routine maintenance. The humidity changes really mess with the alignment (we call that neck bow and string action in guitar-speak). I also went to a bike shop and used a coupon that was about to expire. I bought a helmet that fits a lot better than the one I bought in 2000-ish.

I clearly have nothing to say. I eat securities for breakfast. The SEC is the bane of my existence. Marital property laws are my bible. My relationship advice to everyone is never get divorced. In fact, you might as well never get married. Bad idea. I have to get back to studying now. Time to learn how to appeal a lower court’s decision on the division of your marital estate.

Tomorrow I register for classes for my last semester of law school. LAST SEMESTER OF LAW SCHOOL. I can’t believe I just said that. I never thought I’d actually make it this far.

Remember when I started? Remember before that, when I quit my job? Holy shit, that seems like years ago. Wait, it was. It seems like decades ago. It seems like the guy that walked into that building on the first day of orientation is a completely different guy than the guy writing this. Completely different and exactly the same. Maybe just more focused. My strengths are more refined and my faults are more pronounced. They took everything good and bad inside me and amplified it. Concentrated it. I am a phenomenally efficient reader, writer, editor, and slacker. No one can slack like me. Give me ten minutes of your free time and I will make it disappear into a wormhole of procrastination. Then again, give me a red pen and an essay and say goodbye to everything you wrote. Give me any story, any conversation, any exchange of human thought, and I will over-analyze it and interpret it in so many ways you will ache for me to shut up.

Thank you, law school, for showing me how ‘me’ I can be.

Since I still have one semester left, I’m leaving the actual “end of law school” post till next year. That one will be longer and sappier. Maybe with some confessions.