Turns out I'm turning 30 this October. I know. It's as much a shock to me as it is to you. I really don't deserve having a 3 in the first spot in my age. I appear to possess all of the basic attributes of adulthood, but it's really a facade: house, car, job, bills, general late 20s disillusionment and the requisite pre-mid-life existential crisis. All meaningless. All hollow. My favorite lyrics are still the lyrics to Beck's Cyanide Breathmint and Bogusflow (those are two different songs). I still watch The Big Lebowski once per month. I still write bad songs on the guitar and attempt to cross Nirvana with The Dead Milkmen with Nick Drake. It doesn't work.

I need a birthday bash idea to blow away all other possible birthday bashes. I'll put down my first idea here. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. I don't know how much it costs, but I'm pretty sure I'd have to take out another mortgage to afford it, and it just might be worth it. Here it is:

1. Hire the Foo Fighters to play at my party. I really just want to jam out on bass with the Foos and get stupid drunk with them afterwards. Or before. Both, probably. We'd have to play a bunch of covers, naturally. Goofy ones. Or at least make fun of some classics. I'm thinking Elton John. Fleetwood Mac. Maybe throw some Danzig in there for good measure.

2. ??? This is where you come in. Feel free to suggest other ideas.